Into The Thick of It

What a day!

This day has been CRAZY! Melanie had an awesome birthday at the local arts and crafts place, which was so fun.  They made these cool jewelry pieces and a jewelry tree too. I got to sit in the waiting room and read my book, which was pretty much pure bliss (it was air conditioned, and otherwise I was going to sit in the car, which was HOT!). On our way home, we thought it would be cool to get a limeade from Sonic, so we stopped there to grab one (Cherry with vanilla, our favorite). 

She got out of the car, and was still talking to me when she did so, and turned at the wrong moment and bashed her head along the corner of one of the big sign/order taker thingies. Immediately, before she could even scream (which she did - loudly), it was swollen, purple, and scraped up.  It looked like a blood vessel in her temple was going to explode.  She also scraped the skin off and was complaining of nausea and blurry vision in her left eye.  The bump was bad, and she's going to have a black eye, but the other things concerned me.  So off to the ER we went.

We were just at the ER on Sunday, when she hurt her hands on the boat when we went out with my cousins and family.  She sees the orthapedic surgeon on Tuesday to evaluate whether or not she has to keep a cast on it or if she's okay (they're mostly worried about her thumb).   We walked in and people greeted us by name.  That is NEVER a good sign.

After being checked out by 2 or 3 different nurses, the doctor walked in to see what was going on.  Mel turned BRIGHT red, because he was a pretty good looking guy.  Turns out he's also the father of 4 kids, mostly around Mel's age.  He was great - put her right at ease.  He put this glow in the dark stuff in her eye to see if it was scratched, but it turns out it wasn't. She just bruised it really good.  She's gonna have a mark there, for sure.

We did go to Sonic again on the way home, and waited forever (it was busy on a Friday night). On the way home, there was a sobriety check point, and I turned into our road because I didn't have to go past it.  I got pulled over.  The cop thought I was trying to avoid the check point.  He looked in and saw Mel with her sling and cast and the icepack on her face and said, "Oh my! Is everyone okay? Are you on the way home from the urgent care?" I said that yes we were, and he just said, "I hope you feel better! Please drive safely, ma'am."  

I peed a little.  I haven't been pulled over in forever.

She's resting now and probably hurting.  Her head was throbbing when I put her to bed.  

I got tulips from my friends Steff and Kea tonight.  That totally turned my day around.  They rock.

Hope everyone has a safe weekend :) Only 3 more days of school!

 

Kids Night at Applebees

Sounds innocent enough, right?  We had a gift card, and thought that we could probably eat with just the gift card and a little bit for the tip, and we'd be good to go.  In that aspect, we were right.  It was a cheap date.  However, you know us.  We can't just have a normal evening out.  I'm not even sure what a normal evening out is!

So we are brought to our table and get settled in.  The waiter comes, and he's a nice looking guy.  Probably 18 or 19 or so.  Melanie immediately blushes, which I did not expect, because she tends to get shy around blond haired, blue eyed guys, and this guy had darker hair and eyes.  So we order our drinks and our food (we knew what we wanted before we got there), and we were just sitting there talking to each other.  The guy (whose name was Lester) came back with our drinks, and asked if we needed anything else, to which I reply - "No thanks!" (with my cheesy happy smile - I try to be kind to waitstaff).  So, he walks away, and Melanie sort of grunts at me.  

Me:  What was that grunt for?

Mel:  Oh, nothing.  I'm probably imagining things.

Me:  What are you imaginging?

Mel:  Ah, nothing.  Seriously, it's all good.  Now about those wolves I was telling you about....

So a few minutes go buy, and this little girl (I say little girl because she was probably 5'1" and 88 pounds) comes over and greets Melanie and asks if she wants a balloon animal.  Mel says - SURE!  Balloons + Animals = Melanie is thrilled.  So the girl asks what kind of animal is Melanie's favorite, and (surprise surprise) she says dog.  So the girl pulls out a black balloon and starts to make the dog.  She does one twist, then another twist, and then all of a sudden holds the balloon up to her ear and says - "Oh, bummer, this one is going to not stay up.  It's loosing air.  You can have this one but I'll make you another dog."  She then proceeds to lay that black balloon on our table, while she makes the yellow dog balloon.  Melanie thanks her, and the girl walks away.

Mel: Mom, which one of these bumps is the dog's face?

Me: I've got no clue!

Mel: And are these his ears?  They're pretty crooked.

Me: I'm not sure about that either...maybe he's looking out of the side or something.

Mel: And why is his tail crooked?  Dog's tails don't have a bend in them like that.

Me: Well, remember, this is a balloon - you can only be so exact.

Mel: Well, speaking of exact, that black balloon looks exactly like a weinie. 

Me: ::Open mouthed shocked face::

The kid was right.  The lady had made a weinie balloon, and then left it in the middle of our table.  And the balloon was deflating, which is just really difficult to describe without going into more detail than anyone ever should about a weinie or a balloon.  Suffice it to say that after I got it together, we put the weinie balloon off of the table.

So, Lester comes back and gives us our food, and then checks on us again just a few minutes after that.  Everything is fine, he's very friendly, I'm very friendly and oblivious, Melanie is looking at him with the hairy eyeball. He walks away.

Mel: MOM!!! Pull up your shirt!

Me: (looking down) - What's wrong with my shirt??

Mel: Just pull it up.  He must think you have the cleavage.

Me: Who? Who must think I have cleavage.  This shirt doesn't show any cleavage!

Mel: Well, Mr. Hungry Eyes over there keeps flirting with you, and I think it's because of the cleavage!

Me: Mr. What?!

Mel: Mr. Hungry Eyes.  He's flirting with you!

Me: Do you know that song?

Mel: What song?  I'm talking about our waiter!

Me: (I'm dying laughing now) - Melanie, I am old enough to be that boy's mama!

Mel: Exactly my point!! Pull up your shirt!!

I seriously could not stop laughing.  I mean seriously - that song is cheesy enough, and then she quotes it without knowing she's quoting it.  And again - the guy was just friendly, AND I wasn't showing any cleavage (or 'the cleavage' as Mel calls it).  

Lester comes back.  I'm wiping my eyes.  Mel is looking at me like I've lost my mind.  He says - did you guys need anything else?  

I open my mouth to answer, and Melanie says - "Just the check please.  Nothing to see here."

He laughs.

I died. 

We paid the bill (all $5 of it including a very generous tip because we were weird) and got out of dodge.  I cannot take this kid anywhere.

Except I love taking her everywhere.  She is a hoot and a half. 

 

 

Stripes, piercings and who we are

Some of you know me, have known me, for a long time.  In a brief summary, I had a horrible breakdown in 2008, lost most of what I had identified myself as being, except for my child, and really just sort of sucked for a long time.  Therapy came into the picture - and quite literally saved my life. Had Nancy not had confidence in me, and encouraged me to face things straight on, I would definitely not still be on this earth.  

One of the things that happened long before the breakdown in 2008 was a fascination with getting my nose pierced.  I didn't do it, because I was on staff at a church, and on the platform every morning, and I knew it wouldn't fly.  I kept talking to those close to me about it, but kept being encouraged to just let it go.  In the fall of 2009 I really started thinking about it again.  I even talked to my therapist, Nancy, about it.  I wasn't insane, I wasn't searching for anything to prove, I wasn't rebelling; it was something that I had wanted for a long time - a way to express who I was deep down inside.  It wasn't going to hurt anyone - it's not permanent, I could take it out at any time.  (I had debated a little bit about the tattoo thing, but honestly?  I'm a HUGE sissy.  One poke with a needle or hours with a needle?  Easy decision - and again, I loved the nose ring thing.) In therapy, I was just getting to the point of learning how to say "I want" something.  Even simple things like "I want to eat this for breakfast" and "I want to listen to this song now" - those little steps were HUGE steps for me.  So when I broached the subject with Nancy, she encouraged me to search for a reputable place and go for it.

September 8th, I made an appointment to go get my nose pierced.  I knew the wife of the man who owned the parlor; she was wonderful, and so was he, when I finally got there.  I got lost (if you know me at all, you know that this is nothing surprising), and I had a slight manic panic phase on the way there, but I got there, and went to sit in the chair that is deceptivly like a dentist's chair.  I also had my ear cuff repierced while I was there, and he did that first.  It hurt like a booger, but I knew it would.  I was talking to his wife, who was standing in the room with us, when he pierced my nose, and I can honestly say, I did not feel a thing.  I walked out of there so proud of myself, and so thrilled with my nose piercing (even if it was a little red the first few days).

I know that it's just a piece of jewelry.  And I get that it's a little controversial, especially in conservative circles.  However, I didn't do it to get attention or to be controversial; it's a teeny tiny diamond stud.  A lot of people know me, see me, and don't even realize I have it pierced.  But for me, it was a huge step in doing something that I had WANTED to do for so long, but the only reason for not doing it was not rocking the boat.  Turns out that when I finally did it, the boat didn't rock that much anyway.  It's a decision I have never once regretted.

I have an 8.5 year old daughter.  She is so bright, like scary smart at times.  She's funny, and beautiful, and talented.  I think she's fabulous.  Recently, however, she's been having a craptastic time.  A lot of this has been brought on by her own decisions.  She's been disrespectful, distracted, and sort of a know-it-all.  It came to a big head this week, when teacher and mom contacted each other and conferred and realized that the same things were going on both places.  After several long talks with my kid, the realization struck me that she does not feel smart. Or funny. She feels ugly.  And stupid.  And like she is the least liked person in the world.  She's insecure and panicky and she's lashing out in frustration and anger because she is afraid.  Some of that lays on my head.  Some of that lays in her past.  Some of it lays on her own decision making.  But all of it - ALL of it - I could relate to.

Back when Melanie was 5 years old, she started asking if she could have a few pink stripes in her hair.  When she was 5, I kept saying no because of the proverbial boat.  I didn't want to rock it, and I didn't want to hear the crap about it.  I shut her out and down about it.  She kept asking, though.  Not in a nagging way - but just occasionally in a, "wow, someday I'd really like to have some pink stripes in my hair" kind of way.  Eventually we got to the place where I was feeling more bold (I had my nose pierced) and I said we could do it.  Due to circumstances I'd rather not get into, we were sort of shut down again.  We've had that hair dye sitting in the closet for a long time now.

Well yesterday, she and I were talking (after the whole big mess with the school and everything went down) and we were both really kind if spilling it out there.  She told me how afraid she was at school - not like physically afraid, but just that she wouldn't be good enough, and that she felt this pressure to be like everyone else - to do things just the way everyone else does, and to be 'the good reader' because that's what she's been labeled as, and to panic when she didn't get it right the first time, because she didn't want the attention on her.  We talked about some ways to do better with things like that, i.e., listen to the instructions all the way through before she started on her work, and asking the teacher a question, even if it's in private, if she needs help.  To take her time to double check her work before she turns it in.  To not boast or brag or make fun of others who are struggling (the same way that she struggles).  It was a good talk.

Then she says to me, "I wish I could have the pink stripe in my hair, mom. Not because I want people to look at it or not look at it or anything like that, but just because *I* will know it's there. Even if it's not bright pink, or if it washes out in a few weeks, I will know I had the pink stripe.  That pink stripe will be a brave stripe for me."

I have a nosering that's brave for me.  It's a symbolic thing of a huge step in my life. 

It's just freakin' hair. It will grow out and wash out and be back to how it was 3 hours ago in a matter of weeks, or we'll do it again if she wants. 

She sat thru the entire process.  She looks grown up.  She was OVERJOYED at the pink stripes.  Like - tears of joy.  She didn't say "I can't wait to show the kids at school!" or "I hope grandma and grandpa like it" or "I wonder what ______ will say?" (Boy's name omitted to protect the innocent).  She said "I have my brave stripe!! I LOVE this!!"

This is going to be another one of those days that I do not regret it one bit.  I might even go polish up my nosering a little bit. 

(Pictures upcoming when we get better light.) 

Knitting and other deep thoughts

I've been doing a good share of knitting as of late. Even though my right eye still has that infernal twitch, it does seem to be relaxing me. Melanie has the casting on and the basic knit stitch down, and is currently working on a blanket for one of her stuffed animals. I have to be honest and say she did tell me which one, but as she has close to a hundred if them, and knows them all by heart (along with their personalities), I have a hard time keeping up with who's who!

It used to bug me that she always went for stuffed animals. They do tend to spread out hither and yon. It has slowly become more evident, however, that these things really are her friends and family. She has no siblings; she does not have any imaginary friends, except that is not totally true. THESE are her imaginary friends. They are no skin off of my nose, and she still gets hours of enjoyment from them each day. Who am I to scoff at that? Sooner than I want, she'll be talking or texting her "real" friends, talking about boys or makeup or other too grown up things. May the stuffed animals, and their knitted blankets, live long and continue to prosper her imagination!

Lots of other thoughts bubbling and brewing lately too. Perhaps I'll let them simmer a little longer. The realization about my awesome kid and her herd of pals was ready and worthy though.

Don't grow up too fast, little girl!

What happened to my bed?!

Mel hasn't been feeling great the last few days; she has a tooth coming in, and it has been affecting her ear and balance and she sometimes feels really nauseated and like she is going to pass out.  This is no fun to watch, and I'm sure in her case, no fun to experience.  So last night, she went to sleep in my bed, because she was just feeling icky.  

I didn't understand the full consequences of this decision. 

Observe Illustration.

1. This is the halfway point (approximately) of my full sized bed.

2. This is the amount of space that was actually split.  See how little my share of the space is? And see how I am sharing it with a 12 and a 9 pound cat with me? I'm just getting started, people.

3. This is my adorable, 48-pound daughter's pillow.  Her head should be in the middle of it, in my opinion, and the rest of her should be aligned properly below said middle. 

4. This is my pillow.  What you cannot see in the wonderful artwork (*sense sarcasm*) is that I normally sleep with two pillows.  That red pillow?  It's mine.  My kid stole it.

5.  That is Taz.  He's about 12 or 13 pounds, I'd say. And he stretches out, and lays half upside down so that his chin is in the air.  His front paws were actually stretched up across my arm that was tucked in under my head, and his back paws were pushed into my lower stomach.  He was purring, so he must have been comfortable.  

6.  That is Zaz. (Zazzles.) She is about 8 or 9 pounds, and with kitten.  She is laying on top of my thigh, and her head is flat down, chin on me, belly on me - and her legs are hanging over the sides of my legs - like a smooshed fly.  It was like she just gave out, and her legs dangled in the air.  I was impressed by her balance, truthfully.  However, this meant that I could not move my legs.

7. This is my child's elbow.  It is in the back of my head.  And she doesn't sleep peacefully, so she oftentimes jerks and moans, and sometimes that elbow hits me between the shoulder blades, or sometimes she just jabs me with it out of nowhere.  Elbows are deadly.

8.  This is my child's size 12 foot.  It is planted firmly up my buttocks.  (Refer to #7 for reference to jerks.)

9. This is the unused portion of the bed.  There could be human feet there.  Or cats.  Instead, what you can't see, is that ALL of the blankets are there.  They have been taken away and tossed by the girl child.

10.  These are my feet.  They are completely asleep, because I can't move my legs.

This is how I spent approximately 6 hours.  I wasn't asleep, note you.  I just laid there, if that is what you can call it.  

*Sigh*

Life with Melanie is NEVER boring!

Happy Christmas!

This day started off a little wonky, but I'm just going to chalk it up to Morning. It has that effect.

It has turned out to be one of the best days ever. And that's saying something!

We had a wonderful time with family - just a few - came fir a yummy yummy lunch - ham, famous green beans. Tasty taters and gravy, corn. And cheesecake for dessert. I might go back for more of the green beans!

I was a little nervous/uncertain about everything. We didn't purchase much this year; it was a VERY scaled down affair. Melanie received 4 gifts, none of them over $20. I thought she might be disappointed or looking for more - but not true. She is thrilled! She has said several times that this is her best Christmas ever. I have to say that I agree!

I'm really blessed. She's a sweet girl. And I have a man who loves me, and whom I love. We have family who supports us and loves us and who are fun to be around. What wonderful gifts!!

Plus - my iPhone wordpress app works finally!! Merry Christmas to me:-)!

Reverb10 - Moment

Day 3 (Still playing catchup...)

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

(Just as a personal aside, it's because of Ali that I found reverb10. I have read her blog off and on for years, but was behind on my RSS Reader for my iPhone due to not being able to hold it long enough to read (i.e. - in pain). So, not that she'll see this, but shout out to Ali for the great idea!)

We were driving in the car. (Well, I was driving, they were riding.) Melanie was in the backseat, and we were discussing the Harry Potter audiobooks, which she had been listening to. We were on our way to Tom & Linnie's house, and Brian was beside me in the front seat, listening to music thru the car speakers on his iPhone, and probably trying to block out what Mel and I were talking about, as it had to do with Hogwarts and spells and other such HP stuff. I remember thinking to myself, "My child is so into these books - I think that I have a reader!" and remembering the homeschooling days where the reading was her favorite part, and loving the recognition and excitement and just...being overwhelmed that this little sprite of a person had such intellect. Such imagination. Desire to learn. Love of words. I was so humbled and overwhelmed and thrilled.

Singing in the shower

The other night, I was "in retreat" - i.e. - in the bedroom, laying down trying to breathe deeply so that I could regain control of my brain function. The room right next to my bed is the bathroom. It happened to be Get Ready For Bed time, so M was in the shower, and I could hear through the walls what was going on every step of the way. When she wrung out the washcloth - "gloosh". When she snapped open the body wash bottle and then sniffed deeply - "gag, cough, sputter". (She inhales water along with the scent of the body wash almost every time.) Her covering her eyes and chanting, "squeeze tight, squeeze tight" as she rinses her hair (at least I hope she's talking about her eyes!). This is the norm, really. And the kid really loves a hot shower - it's all steamy and stuff in there when she comes out, which is probably why her skin is awesome. Or maybe because she's 6 and all 6 year olds have awesome skin. Either way I'm a little envious. Moving on.

But then she changed the rhythm on me. She started singing (and dancing - more on that in a moment). Not "Alice" by Avril Lavigne from the new Almost Alice soundtrack (which, for the record, I could listen to about 24 hours a day right now). Not a Hannah Montana song, normally the "Hoe Down Throw Down", which I find particularly dangerous in the shower. Not "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum - a song which I know only because she has sung it to me and I've heard it twice on the radio - how a first grader whose parents don't listen to a station that would play a country song would know that is beyond me. Not even Justin Beiber - whom I have *never* heard a song by, but she seems to know every word of from her pals at school. None of those, which are all in her repertoire.

She sang "I Like to Eat Apples and Bananas". You know, the one where you go through every vowel sound for the "a" in Apples, and for the a's in bananas. And she was also creating vowels I had never heard of before. And choreographing as she went along. I'd hear a little whispered "kick" here and there, and also a "pop", which I assume is some sort of hip thrust, because that's what she says when she does that when she shows me her dances she makes up. There was one time when there was a big "WHOA!" which was not part of the song, or, I believe, the choreography, because I heard a little slippage in there. We have not as yet heeded Sheldon's advice and adhered adhesive ducks to the bottom of our bathtub. (Really, you need to take time to watch that video.) We really should do that if Melanie is going to continue to give concerts complete with routines and hand gestures, else-wise the kid will end up with a cast or something. Right now someone in her class has a cast, and she thinks it's cool. I'm thinking if she had to wear one herself, the coolness would last about 5.5 seconds before the whining would set in. And that doesn't count the actual pain of getting it set and everything. Oye.

So much for quiet time. There was no meditation or deep breathing happening, unless you count me recovering from the fit of giggles that I had the entire time.

We'll just call it an ab workout!

Colors

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you see the same things over and over and over again until you really begin to notice that you're seeing the same things over and over and over again? That has happened to me lately. These last few days, I feel like I've seen a zillion and three of those kind of metallic-dark-orange colored cars. At first I was just thinking that, "hmmm...ok - there's an orange car". But I've noticed my train of thought shifting to, "Man! I really love that color on that car!" I don't know what changed for me, except that it's grown on me so quickly. I'm not a trendy color kind of girl, or at least I didn't think I was in the vehicle department - but it appears as if I might end up being that way now. It makes me want to put some sort of metallic orange into one of my collections. I'll have to work on that!

Another thing about color that's been poking at me is yarn. I am eyebrow deep in crocheting, and I'd like to be that deep in knitting, too. I'm not as an accomplished knitter as I am crocheter, but I would really love to be. With all the videos on youtube, and the basic knowledge that I already have, it shouldn't be too terribly difficult to dive into that. I figure if I start now, I can be ahead for next winter so that I'm not making scarves in March. Plus, I might be able to get a few gifts done. I can't seem to find the fault in any of that reasoning.

Melanie has school pictures coming up here this week. This is a first for us. She is very excited, and wants to be modeling outfits for me so that we can choose the perfect one. She hasn't decided yet if she's going to let me "do" her hair, or if she's going to leave it down and just tuck it behind her ears (her preference). I think I'm going to end up loving the pictures if I can get her to show her (lack of) teeth in the photo - she has 3 missing right now (and 3 more loose). Sometimes it's hard to believe she's growing up as fast as she is. I sort of love it, and I sort of hate it at the same time. I love all these different phases, but it's sad to see the "little girl" or "baby" parts going away so quickly!

I'm working on updating things here on the blog. You'll notice that I'm trying to add some things to the sidebar and they don't quite match yet. I hope you'll be patient with me, as I try to master the world that is WordPress and the widgets therein. I do have a new blog to recommend - www.brianmatthewbeck.com. And there will be another recommendation coming very soon that I'm really excited about! Also, don't forget to visit my store - new things are released each week. ScrapGirls has a terrific newsletter that has tons of tips and freebies. Don't miss out!

The salsa is gone...

I make this homemade salsa - my mom's recipe - and we don't do it very often. It's fairly labor intensive, and no one in my life like to finely chop onions, because we're all a bunch of wimps that cry the entire time. However, we percevered this weekend to make some for the small group gathering, and fortunetely for us, we were about the only ones who liked it (except for Erica). So we brought it home with us and have been snacking on it every day since then. Unfortunetely that means...it's gone now. And we would have to go get it all all over again to try to make it again, and I just don't think I have the gumption for it. Even Melanie likes the salsa. I think that has soley to do with the fact that it includes black olives. If I gave her a choice, she'd eat a can of olives - either black or green - with every meal. Or capers. Or some sort of brined vegetable. (Or fruit, as I guess olives are technially a fruit grown on a tree). Anyway - she shovels it in with the rest of us. So we all have (had) garlic breath together. In other news, Fina is definetely pregnant again. We are not sure when this happened - obviously she and Alex had a rendevous while we were unaware, and we thought we were doing a pretty good job of keeping them apart. Alex knowing how to open doorknobs does sometimes inhibit our supervision of things though. They say, according to my research, that the second litter is always the largest. This first litter was only 3 kittens. So maybe we'll get 4 and be done with them. Start taking your places now for white kittens, with few to no black markings on them. If you're nice we will deliver long distances as well (hint hint Libby). Melanie and I were both under the weather today and missed a trip to Baltimore to see Andrea. That stunk a lot; she lives all the way in Utah, so it's not like we can just go next weekend. I hope they had a great time at the aquarium and that things went smoothly with their travels. Melanie is feelin better; her fever was down a little more when she went to bed, so we're hoping for vast improvement in the morning. I still sorta feel like I've been run over by a truck, but some sleep might help with that. Tomorrow is school and getting cleaned up around the house. Typical Friday. We may try to sneak off to see a movie...have to wait and see how that one plays out. Hope you all had perfectly wonderful days!