Into The Thick of It

Things I love right now...

...at 11:03 pm, Sunday, January 29th, 2012.

• My kid. She is ever and always my first place, even when times are sticky.

 

• Live music.  The more I listen to it and participate in it, the more happy I become!! 
• I still love my iPhone.
• I'm loving Ingrid Michaelson's newest album, Human Again.  She is always herself, but each album is different, too.  Hard to describe, easy to listen to! 
• I'm particularly lucky to have 2 close girl friends here in the area, and I am so very thankful for them.  (Thanks, Bettina and Linnie!)
• Zentangle.  If you haven't, you should.  Best brain yoga anywhere! 
• Photoshop CS5.  I think that I looked the other direction for so long, I forgot how much fun it is to work in this program.  By the by, my favorite tools right now are Brandy Murry's Ultimate Artist collection.  You need these.  Trust me.
• Nutella and pretzels.
• Being nice when people don't expect it.
• The Big Bang Theory.  Seriously, last week's episode had me laughing so hard.  Great show.  I have a huge crush on Sheldon.
• Pinterest.  Have you been THERE?!  Don't go.  You won't leave for hours.  (But it's soooo good!)
• Knitting.  (Even though I'm having a heck of a time getting those damn ear flaps to face the correct way...Ryan will eventually get his hat!)
• Blogging.  I have MISSED you, my blog!! It makes me happy to have somewhere to babble to!

Happy Monday now, people.  This week has lots of good things in store.  I can feel it!

Wonders never cease...

I just figured out that I can blog from my phone. Many of you probably have known this for eons, but sometimes I'm a little late to the party!

This should make it fun this weekend when I get to hang out with friends and hear live music and eat yummy food. Perfect timing!

Here's to a wonderful weekend! *fingers crossed*

Musical thoughts

Someone today on Facebook asked about what books to recommend teaching a beginning student with.  I immediately answered it, and then just sat there looking at my post.  It's been YEARS since I've taught a lesson  - at least 5 years seriously.  There was once a day where I taught over 50 students a week, vocal and piano lessons.  (That may have been what started my nervous breakdown *grin*.) Where did that time go? I don't know if I miss it or not, but I do wonder how I came to be so far FROM that.

Melanie and I listen to a lot of different music.  She likes a lot of the popular stuff that her friends at school listen to (dare I even mention JB?), and I can handle some of that, just not in large, whopping doses at once.  We both like pop/folk stuff too - Ingrid Michaelson (who has a wonderful new album out), A Fine Frenzy, The Weepies, Rosie Golan.  We are recently in love with Gotye, Kings of Leon, Mumford and Sons, Greg Laswell.  And then we like most classics:  Ben Folds, The Beatles (hasn't Ringo aged well?!), Fleetwood Mac, Chicago, Bread, Journey, etc.  I love that she has a taste of all of that and can recognize most of it.  There are tons of other bands that we listen to as well, but to list them all would be a really boring blog post.

One thing that we always come back to is Contemporary Christian music.  Even with my current distaste of organized religion, I still find comfort and encouragement in these songs of truth about who God is.  We can be found singing Praise & Worship stuff a lot, and then finding where that song comes from in scripture.  I love that I can go back to this music; that no one can take that away from me, nor the scripture that it is from.  

Kari Jobe has a new album that just came out this Tuesday called Where I Find You.  It is so great; I love how she writes about her love for who God is.  The songs are doggon catchy too - I find myself humming and/or singing them a lot of the day.  

I guess even stating that I still listen to music about God is kind of a brave thing for me.  I'm so afraid most of the time about what people think about me that I often filter.  Afraid of what they might think of me, or what judgements they may make of me because I am struggling with my faith.  But at almost 38 years of age, I think the time has come for me to be as real about it as possible.  If people don't like me because I struggle in this area, then they really aren't going to like me.  I am in flux.  I am still learning.  And I do a lot of my thinking and learning through music, always have, and always will.

Well, there you have it.  Musical thoughts on a dreary Thursday.  If you have the time and energy, check out that Kari Jobe album.  It's worth a listen to, bothy lyrically and musically. 

The rescue effort

Well, it's been a year since I've blogged.  A great deal of that time has been spent trying to recover from the mess that was UCWebhost and their immediate and dismal dissappearance from the world wide web; part is an ongoing mess with a new host service and my domain name, which floats around endlessly now and I can't seem to access it. 

The other part of it is that parts of this past year have not been things that I want to remember.  More on that later.

So you'll notice that my old blog posts are here; many are missing photos.  Thankfully somewhere on one of my hard drives, I do have the photos that were on my blog saved.  I just need to find which ones go with which post and realign the stars.  I'll work on that on an as needed basis.

Current events dictate that I should tell you that some things are still true in my life:

1. I still love my kid.  She's still an adventure every day.  There is always a new story to tell.
2. I still am addicted to Rock Band and Guitar Hero.  And yes, I am getting too old for that.
3. I still search several times a week for new music to discover. 
4. I still read avidly, except now I read on a nook.  Best. Thing. Ever.
5. I still design scrapbooking supplies and other assorted doodads.  
6. I still type medical transcription work.
7. I still am not finished figuring out who I am.
8. I still drink tea every day.
9. I still struggle with fibromyalgia and CFS.  (blah)
10. I still love to tell the stories of my everyday life.

I'm really looking forward to this becoming a part of my routine again.  I hope you'll follow along as I try to dismantal my filter and be real, and talk about things that are part of real life.  Lots of fun and thrills ahead, I'm sure!

 

We ' ve come a long way...

I've had a difficult day. I dread going to the doctor because I'm always going to get more bad news. Ick poo!

So I am taking a quick look back to this photo, and seeing how far we've come in the past 12 months as a family.

This was in the spring. Less than a year ago. I'd say late May. It was obviously after the hair that was incident, where Melanie shaved herself half bald because here hair was crunchy. It was when Brian was at his most sick, I think. These were hard months.

This was Christmas morning. Amazing, the difference.

She has hair. Not as much as she'd like yet, but it's coming. He has facial hair - more than he wanted, because either that day or the day after he swiped it all off with a razor. They're both healthy and happy and beautiful.

Today, I am thankful for these good things. One day at a time for now, and then in a year, I can look back and see the good changes. This is good.

A noble pursuit

I've often thought about what I'd like to do with my life. (Because you know, I don't really "DO" anything right now.)

When I was in highschool, I was going to do something with music. Performance, perhaps, or teaching. I thought also of musical psychology, or something else in a psychology field. I've thought about majoring in languages - French, Spanish, Japanese (the last one was rather fleeting). I thought about doing something with a degree in graphic design, which still niggles back and forth in my brains sometimes. I want to do something that will be fulfilling (my word for the year) and also help others.

This morning, I've figured it out.

I'm going to figure out what the hell is going on inside a cat's brain.

Think about it: the untold depths will be finally demystified!

Here are my current reasons for my new-found passion.

Sunny & Butch.

Butchy. Isn't he sweet?

Sundance. Awwww....

Butch. What a Christmas miracle!

Sunny and his new girlfriend, Victoria, in their cozy home-away-from-home. (Melanie does NOT love this, for what it's worth.)

Butch and Brian. Butch, especially, just wants some peace and quiet. Dangit.

Melanie & Sunny. He would like to stop the photo ops so he can rest with his girl.

See? They're SO sweet! They're wonderful. They're....

This is so wrong. These cats are delightful for about 3/10 of the day. The rest of the time they are PURE. EVIL.

I can't catch the evil on film. I think that's one of their mystic cat-powers that I'd like to discover.

They're terrors. They're spazzes. They're so...catty!!

I don't understand it, really. You'd think that when their humans are up and about and happy and energetic, they'd like to join in the partay and do their kitty thang at the same time. (I think right there is my first mistake - we are not their humans. They just live with us and make us think that they like us in order to get the good kibble.)

These boys though, if there is activity of any human sort, run and hide. Butch will go right under the couch. Sunny will hide behind the blinds in one of the windows.

However, when the humans calmo-relaxo, and it's time for quiet and peace, these guys decide that that is for the birds.

Birds? What? Where? RUN!!!

(See?! They're rubbing off on me!)

Our Christmas tree? It has been a cat playground. The bottom half of it is bare naked. The tree skirt looks like a rag in a pile. We have ornaments all over the house, and we'll probably find them by sometime around Halloween.

Their food bowl? It's not a bowl. It's just a vessel for them to empty all over my kitchen floor. Their water bowl? It's just a place for Butch to insert his paw, and consistently and repeatedly fwap out the water into the food bowl, so that the 5 pieces of kibble that are left in the bowl are all turned to mush, which neither of them will eat. They will sit there beside the bowl and meow at me until I empty it, wash it, and refill it with fresh kibble, so that they can dump and then mushify the new stuff.

Brian's new bathrobe? Totally Butch's bed.

My new basket? Totally Sunny's new resting place.

Melanie's everything? It's just an excuse for them to place their fuzzy butts and or paws on it all.

Butch is a dandy. He doesn't like to be mussed or fussed. He wants everything just in place, and doesn't like it when his way isn't had. He's long-legged with a perfect white bow-tie mustache. However, he snores and growls in his sleep and talks back like he thinks he's human.

Sunny is a big orange fuzzy meatloaf. He is like Al Bundy with a tail. He farts and sits with his legs wide open and eats all the live long day. He has to weigh 20 lbs.He looks at you with slitted eyes because he's too lazy to open them all the way up...unless there is perhaps bacon involved.

Some days, I want to string them up. They make me CA-razy! Then they go and do something cute.

And then I realize - they're just like me. They've got their quirks. Their weird times of day, and their normal times of day. They are sometimes lovable, sometimes annoying. They need loved up, and they need disciplined.

They need a Valium.

I guess in order to understand these guys, I need to probably understand myself a little more.

Ha! I just laughed out loud. Good luck to me!

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Sea of blankets

The house is still quiet, although people are beginning to not snore quite so heavily. The only thing I can hear is the sound of the fan, which whirrs away every night as white noise. There's one slight problem with my hearing there:

The furnace hasn't kicked on.

I'm pretty sure it was turned off a few days ago, because it was really very unseasonably warm. Beautiful, actually. Now? Not so much. Not so much at all!

It's the last Sunday morning before we get back into the swing of things. Schools. Driving here and there and having to make it on time. Being in the house alone a few days a week. Bedtimes that are pretty strict. Some old routines, some new ones.

Part of me can't wait. And part of me doesn't want to remove myself from under the mountain.

I wonder which side will win?

And so it begins!

This first day of the new year thing is totally intimidating for me. There's that whole new fresh start that I've been yearning for, and now that it's here, I'm afraid to do anything for fear that I'll mess up the newness. Is that totally wacked out or what?

I have been working on thoughts. I hesitate to call them resolutions, because they're not here because the year is new, or because it's a traditional time to make things different, but because I *need* to change the way things are happening. My personal life, my business, my parenting, my housekeeping, my blogging. It needs to occur in a different way so that it is serving me, and I'm not bound to it in a way that makes me feel like I'm losing who I am and am a prisoner to the whims of whatever is going on (a.k.a. - drama!!). I've spent the last two months looking for some tools and trying to find things and alter them to work best for me. I've had some success. And I have a long way to go.

I think I made huge progress in one area in 2010: comparing myself to others. Worrying about what other people think.

The thing I need to work on most for 2011: comparing myself to others. Worrying about what other people think.

I wonder if this will be a lifelong thing for me? If so, I need to figure out how to show myself a little more grace than I did in 2010. I was hard on myself. There has to be a balance there between striving for what you want and need and forgiving yourself when you screw it up. I don't have my footing on that beam yet.

Melanie will be 8 this year. EIGHT! How is that possible?! She was just 2! She was just not even able to talk. She called me "mommy" yesterday. Now I'm "mom". (That yesterday is not literal, but it sure feels like it!) She has read more books this year than I have, and that's not even an exaggeration. This child now recommends reading to me, which is also not an exaggeration. I started the Inkheart books on her recommendation, and I have to admit they're lovely. She's done that series, Harry Potter (twice, plus the audiobooks I don't even know how many times), Fablehaven, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, The Guardians of Ga'Hoole, and then dozens - maybe a hundred or more - odds and ends of books that weren't in a series. She has on her list for 2011 Little Women (the series), Little House on the Prairie (the series), more of The Boxcar Children (she's read some of these, but she gets frustrated with them because they're so fast for her - she can read one in an hour or a little more). She wants to work on her artwork, join the Girl Scouts, take a martial arts class, and make mixed cd's to practice becoming a DJ. She wants to journal in fun glittery pens and a leopard print journal. She would like to grow her hair out (if you'll recall the half-bald situation of 2010), grow an inch or so, and add 5 lbs to her weight. She's working diligently on self-control, watching her words, and breathing thru stressful situations. All of these things, minus the growing parts (I could do with some shrinking) sound like ideas I should incorporate into my own life! She's a wise little soul.

My word for the year is Fulfilled. The online dictionary says:

1. to carry out, or bring to realization, as a prophecy or promise.

2. to perform or do, as duty; obey or follow, as commands.

3. to satisfy (requirements, obligations, etc.): a book that fulfills a long-felt need.

4. to bring to an end; finish or complete, as a period of time: He felt that life was over when one had fulfilled his threescore years and ten.

5. to develop the full potential of

I think number 5 says it most clearly for me. The others have a small section in the whole, but really, I want to realize my full potential. Not for my whole life or anything, but for this year. For each month. Week. Day. It's not that I want to stuff it so full I can't breathe, but more that I don't want to. I want to live in the spaces. I want to plan it out, but in that plan, realize that there will be things that don't go according to exactly how I want them, and to breathe and be ok with that. I want to be satisfied - and to learn to be content; not content as in settling, but content as in...settled. Happy with what I've got, while I am happy with being able to work for more and towards more for myself and my family.

A big part of this for me is to simplify. I have too much stuff. The stuff is weighing me down - it needs to go away!

I want to eat simply and healthily. I want to cook for my family, clean it up afterward, and have it be a normal part of the day and not a stresser.

I want to move my body every day - not necessarily because I want or need to lose weight (I do), but because I need to not feel so dang stagnant. Whether than means going to the Y, or walking around the block, I just need 5 minutes.

I need to unplug an hour before bed, every single day. I need that hour to decompress. I need to unplug at least for part of a day every week, or a few times a day to just walk away from it all, including my phone. The joys of technology have become a constant over-stimulization for me, and it's wearing me out.

I need to read with my kiddo. Even though she reads so well on her own, and actually prefers it, she needs to hear me, and I need to hear her. We need it together.

I need to do some exercises in creativity. Mine is all constipated and stuff. Probably some white space in my life would help a lot.

I need to make some friends, and occasionally leave my house with one of them.

I guess need and want may be interchangeable in those sentences. I feel like I need them, but they may just be the things I want to do this year.

So. This is my deep post for the new year. I think that the rest won't all be quite so depth defying (ha! play on words) - but I'm not promising there won't be an occasional slip into one or two of these. I hope to share some recipes. Some before and after shots of little areas of my home that I'm going to get under my control (like the laundry, oh....the laundry!). I will share lots of funny stories about miss Melanie. Some about Brian, I'm sure too (although he tells his own stories pretty dang well!). I have some spiritual journeys to take. Some physical ones. There will be music, and books, and technology. And a blog makeover! YAY!

And maybe in the midst of it, I will learn how to spell.

Don't hold your breath on that last one! :)

Happy Christmas!

This day started off a little wonky, but I'm just going to chalk it up to Morning. It has that effect.

It has turned out to be one of the best days ever. And that's saying something!

We had a wonderful time with family - just a few - came fir a yummy yummy lunch - ham, famous green beans. Tasty taters and gravy, corn. And cheesecake for dessert. I might go back for more of the green beans!

I was a little nervous/uncertain about everything. We didn't purchase much this year; it was a VERY scaled down affair. Melanie received 4 gifts, none of them over $20. I thought she might be disappointed or looking for more - but not true. She is thrilled! She has said several times that this is her best Christmas ever. I have to say that I agree!

I'm really blessed. She's a sweet girl. And I have a man who loves me, and whom I love. We have family who supports us and loves us and who are fun to be around. What wonderful gifts!!

Plus - my iPhone wordpress app works finally!! Merry Christmas to me:-)!